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" After all is said and done, sit down. "
" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "
" If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. "
" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "
" What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating. "
" A funny thing about near-future stories: the future catches up to them. If the author is unlucky, the future catches up faster than the book can get out the door. "
Edward M. Lerner
" I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. "
" The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith's 'What It Was, Was Football.' I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn't know what any of it meant. "
" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "
" You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think. "
" I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell? "
" It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion. "
" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "
W. C. Fields
" I did 'Love's Labour's Lost' in the theater and found it to be riotously funny. "
" I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that's appreciated by young people. "
" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "
" Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "
" Memories are doing funny things to us. "
" Being funny is everything to me. "
" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "
" I love the funny and sweet moments I have with my cats, Jake and Frank, so I'm honored to be celebrating these moments at the Catdance Film Festival. "
" We adore babies because they're so cute. And, of course, we are amused by jokes because they are funny. This is all backwards. It is. And Darwin shows us why. "
" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "
" I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. "
" I'm not funny. What I am is brave. "
" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "
" He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food. "
" Humor has become so cliche and boring that nothing's funny anymore unless it involves something totally disgusting that offends somebody or makes them feel really uncomfortable. "
" If you're OK with being clumsy, it's funny. But if you are super embarrassed, people are going to laugh at you. "
" I've never been to a dinner party where everyone at the dinner table didn't say something funny. "
" There's nothing I dislike more than being in a photo shoot where they say, 'Be yourself.' That's not why I became an actress. That's what I find so funny: that you become an actor, and all of a sudden, everyone wants to know about you. But I didn't become an actor so I could show you me. "