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" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "
Kin Hubbard
Punished
Men
Them
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" A bee is never as busy as it seems; it's just that it can't buzz any slower. "
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" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "
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" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "
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" I'll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that's more than I can say for prosperity. "
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" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "
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" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "
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" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "
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" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "
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" Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. "
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" If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on a vacation. "
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" As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith. "
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" Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune. "
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" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "
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" A loafer always has the correct time. "
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" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "
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" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "
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" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "
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" Getting talked about is one of the penalties for being pretty, while being above suspicion is about the only compensation for being homely. "
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" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "
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" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "
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Now And Then
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" Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home. "
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" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "
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" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "
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" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "
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Almost
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" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "
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" After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school. "
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" Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid. "
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