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" The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing. "

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" As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God's path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire, and their foreheads, and their sides, and their backs shall be branded therewith. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" It's what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him. "

" Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. "

" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "

" It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" A good listener is usually thinking about something else. "

" If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. "

" It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it. "

" A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" If there's anything a public servant hates to do it's something for the public. "

" All the world loves a good loser. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "

" It's the good loser who finally loses out. "

" It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game. "