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" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

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" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate. "

" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

" The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them. "

" It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it. "

" Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. "

" There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it? "

" There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them. "

" A loafer always has the correct time. "

" It's pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more. "

The Hardest Thing

" Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. "

" A good listener is usually thinking about something else. "

" It's the good loser who finally loses out. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny. "

" A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one. "

" Universal peace sounds ridiculous to the head of an average family. "

" Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" There is no failure except in no longer trying. There is no defeat except from within, no really insurmountable barrier save our own inherent weakness of purpose. "

" Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed. "

" There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick. "

" Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs. "

" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "

" Men are not punished for their sins, but by them. "

" Being an optimist after you've got everything you want doesn't count. "