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" It isn't enough for you to love money - it's also necessary that money should love you. "

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" After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school. "

" No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. "

" Where ignorance is bliss it's foolish to borrow your neighbor's newspaper. "

" Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it. "

" Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest. "

" Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it's by applause. "

" Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. "

" Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil. "

" A good listener is usually thinking about something else. "

" Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. "

" Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men. "

" The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you. "

" Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt. "

" Don't knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn't start a conversation if it didn't change once in a while. "

" It's going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it. "

" I don't look for much to come out of government ownership as long as we have Democrats and Republicans. "

" It ain't a bad plan to keep still occasionally even when you know what you're talking about. "

" Nothing is as irritating as the fellow who chats pleasantly while he's overcharging you. "

" Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience. "

" It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed. "

" Bargain... anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on. "

" When a fellow says, 'It ain't the money but the principle of the thing,' it's the money. "

" Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. "

" If capital and labor ever do get together it's good night for the rest of us. "

" Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best. "

" No woman can be handsome by the force of features alone, any more that she can be witty by only the help of speech. "

" Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. "

" The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store. "

" Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught. "

" Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble. "