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" One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives. "

Related Quotes:

" A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. "

" As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. "

" In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards. "

" The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. "

" What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce. "

" If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. "

" Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. "

" All right, then, I'll go to hell. "

" All generalizations are false, including this one. "

Generalizations

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. "

" Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with. "

" Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about. "

" My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water. "

" I can live for two months on a good compliment. "

" The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. "

" Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "

" There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist. "

" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "

" If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. "

" It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. "

" The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it. "

" I never let schooling interfere with my education. "

" Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. "

" Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins. "

" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

" I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "

" It is easier to stay out than get out. "

" Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times. "

" The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. "