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" Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. "

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" It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us - dreamers and indolent... It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich - these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it. "

" If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid. "

" Denial ain't just a river in Egypt. "

" The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. "

" Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. "

" Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. "

" The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. "

" When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old. "

" Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to. "

" Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company. "

" How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. "

" Man was made at the end of the week's work, when God was tired. "

" I never let schooling interfere with my education. "

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. "

" As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. "

" Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. "

" If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later. "

" I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "

" When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. "

" The Public is merely a multiplied 'me.' "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce. "