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" People in New York love having roof parties. "

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" I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport. "

" I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year. "

" Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere. "

" I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that. "

" I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up. "

" I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all. "

" I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film. "

" I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written. "

" And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy. "

" Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days. "

" I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it. "

" I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires. "

" My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people. "

" I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. "

" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage. "

" There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake. "

" I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. "

" I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" I loved Australia. I was very successful there. "

" Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons. "

" You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6. "

" I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone. "