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" I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. "

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" It was actually 3 years between albums. That seems like a long time to me. "

" I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written. "

" I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again, which is strange. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone. "

" I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place. "

" I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that. "

" People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people. "

" I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. "

" I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film. "

" I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. "

" It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special. "

" My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act. "

" Anyone who bombs is my friend. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage. "

" I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all. "

" I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that. "

" I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. "

" People in New York love having roof parties. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" You always think you're better than you are in the beginning. "

" I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors. "

" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

" And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy. "

" I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy. "

" I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires. "

" I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started. "