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" You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6. "

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" I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" If I'm at a party and someone puts on a Blues Brothers tape, I tend to go nuts. "

" I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself. "

" Anyone who bombs is my friend. "

" I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires. "

" I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place. "

" I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy. "

" And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy. "

" I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians. "

" I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written. "

" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

" People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people. "

" I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that. "

" I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up. "

" I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show. "

" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake. "

" I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. "

" I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage. "

" I will not be misquoted! "

" Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons. "

" I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. "

" I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors. "