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" I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film. "

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" I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it. "

" Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons. "

" Some venues are better run than others. Sometimes it's just maddening to deal with full dinners being served in front of your face. You can have a good or bad show anywhere. "

" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" I will not be misquoted! "

" I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage. "

" Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" You always think you're better than you are in the beginning. "

" I guess there seems to be clubs opening up again, which is strange. "

" I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all. "

" Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself. "

" And the goal really is to make the audience laugh, to bring them some joy. "

" I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started. "

" I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place. "

" Anyone who bombs is my friend. "

" It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that. "

" People don't understand that that's really what it is. They're looking for a magic phone number or something. And to a certain extent, I understand that, because comedy is treated so much as a stepping stone by a lot of people. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport. "

" I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. "

" I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. "

" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

" I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. "

" People in New York love having roof parties. "

" I loved Australia. I was very successful there. "