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" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

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" Only lately, like within the last few years, have I had people actually do an impression of me to me, which weirds me out to think of what they have picked up on, without ever realizing it myself. "

" I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport. "

" There seems to be more comedy for comedy's sake. "

" I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it. "

" I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend. "

" I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. "

" I must have done everything I had. You go through years where you go through everything you've ever written. "

" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians. "

" I thought they may have presumed too much knowledge of certain things for people who are not comedians. Like Montreal. A comic understands what it is and its importance, but someone else may not know about it. "

" I loved Australia. I was very successful there. "

" I did end up doing substitute teaching, but there's not a lot of teaching involved in that. "

" I basically did comedy there for about a year, and then moved to New York. If I had it to do over again, I would have booked myself on the road for at least a year. "

" I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film. "

" I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up. "

" You always think you're better than you are in the beginning. "

" I mean, I've always had scattered interests, but I never went on stage to get an agent or anything like that. "

" My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I'd rather send out a mass email then hang posters all over the place. "

" I'm traveling the world, ripping rooms apart with my stupendous comedy. "

" You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6. "

" I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started. "

" I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show. "

" Anyone who bombs is my friend. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone. "

" I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage. "

" I will not be misquoted! "

" It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special. "