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" I loved Australia. I was very successful there. "

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" I like pens. My writing is so amazing there's never a need to erase. "

" I mean, I guess I started during the comedy boom, so it was literally like, on Sunday you could decide you wanted to be a comic, and on Monday, you could be on stage. "

" I had some friends that tried it down there, and I went to a couple of open mics, and I just kind of got this... this sick urge to try it instead of just watching it. "

" I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable. "

" There's people that are just in awe of what you do, and then there are people who just think it's garbage. And I think there are people who are just uncomfortable seeing someone have fun with their job. "

" I'm particularly proud of my reluctance to share my dreams with anyone. "

" My sister sometimes does a Todd Barry tribute act. "

" I would call it a comedy variety show. We have some people just doing straight standup. We usually try to have one musical act of sort. So its just people being funny in different ways, not just sketch, not just standup, not just characters, all of those things. "

" I do not like sports, unless you consider treating all humankind with love and respect a sport. "

" I am the the type to have a personal experience with a celebrity, but I'm too classy to bring that up. "

" Well, I have since seen you at Tinkle. It's a comedy show started by David Cross, me and Jon Benjamin. It features a wide variety of acts for all tastes and seasons. "

" It's cool to go to a place that has posters up and it's one night only. It feels more special. "

" I want to release another CD this year, finish writing a screenplay, and make another short film. "

" I once sat next to Jim from Wild Kingdom on a flight from Atlanta. I find mentioning that opens a lot of doors. "

" I mean, I've had bartenders and waiters and waitresses make a comment about a joke of mine, like pointing out some sort of logic error or something that I've never even thought about, and they're right. "

" If you see me at a restaurant, blow me a kiss, wave, blow me another kiss, then walk five steps backward. "

" I don't know any astronauts. There are a lot of people who say they want to be comedians. "

" I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be when I started. "

" I've never been a TV junkie. I remember watching Letterman way back when he had a morning show. "

" I liked the koala, wallaby, and I chilled with a kangaroo a bit. There was a wombat that I quite enjoyed also. "

" I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires. "

" I mean, I guess I realized subconsciously that this is what I should be doing before I realized it, consciously. Verbally, I don't think I had committed to it, even though I was driving everywhere, every night, just trying to get on stage. "

" I had temping jobs also. I liked the flexibility. There was no asking for time off; you just didn't work. "

" I got access to a private tour of the zoo. I got to go in a cage with a koala, which I highly recommend. "

" Buddha, much like everyone else has good and bad days. "

" You always think you're better than you are in the beginning. "

" I don't feel I'm even worthy of a normal amount of value. "

" You come there and hang out and have a drink before the show and eat, so it's not that brutal. It's only $6. "

" I was probably just trying to be Dennis Miller, but without the vocabulary to actually be Dennis Miller. I guess I was just less interesting than I am now, if I am interesting at all. "

" I don't really know much about pirates, or pirate culture. I'd be a contrarian pirate. "