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" Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music. "

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" When a child is born, it's born with a heart of gold, but the way of this world can turn that heart cold. I'm still a good person, and I thank God for that - He's working with me on it. "

" The truth is, I've never thought of myself as the Michael Jordan of comedy. And that's a good thing. You know why? Because I'm not. Wasn't that Richard Pryor? Yes, it was. I know what I am: I'm funny! "

" Stand-up is the foundation to my career. It's what I started out doing. "

" If there's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that curiosity might kill cats, but it doesn't kill people. "

" Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses. "

" The most romantic thing I ever did to my woman? I painted her toenails! "

" Everybody's out to get something from somebody. 'Gold diggers' doesn't just mean money, it can mean time, it can mean feelings. It can mean anything when you're taking and not giving. When people don't know how to reciprocate. "

" There's ups and downs of any job. If you worked at the post office, there's ups and downs. You have your good days, and you have your bad days. If you're a housewife, you have your good days, and you have your bad days. "

" My heart is committed to giving everyone the same rights that I deserve for myself. "

" I love my mother. My mother made sure, her stubbornness - she made sure we was going to eat. She made sure we had Christmases. That was my mother. My father wasn't there for that. "

" I don't need no stool and mike stand. I don't need all of that to be funny. I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me. I spread love wherever I'm at. I'm like Marvin Gaye. "

" When you see me on the street, act like you know me. "

" If you're the kind of person who likes numbers and statistics, I'm the long shot - the Lotto Powerball winner. I'm the mutation in the DNA that makes evolution a reality. I am the new black. "

" The only person who knows what's in my wallet is my wife. "

" I think people would want to see Tracy Morgan host 'Saturday Night Live.' "

" My older brother was born, who was a cripple, then I was born, and my sister was born, the only girl. So I was between the only girl and the crippled guy. I was the middle guy. "

" I don't get on the phone and prank people and things like that on the phone with people, no. "

" You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella. "

" I've played outrageous characters my whole career. "

" Comedy clubs are sacred ground. That's where anything goes. "

" When I want to work on my material, I go to Benihana or the barbershop. "

" White women love me 'cause of my edge. And I love white women. "

" I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me. "

" I love animals, but I don't want to talk to them. I'd rather be able to talk to other people on other continents and understand them. "

" What I have learned over the years is to try to stay in the moment. I want to feel it all because I've realized nothing lasts. "

" I don't do drama. I'm a comedian. "

" I just want to be funny, I just want to do comedy. "

" I was like any other inner-city kid with a chip on his shoulder because his daddy and his mommy wasn't together. "

" It gets scary when you're dealing with people who don't know how to separate fact from fiction. "

" I don't have anything against Jimmy Fallon. I love Jimmy Fallon. He's my dude. "