Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses. "

Related Quotes:

" If you can get your life down to one minute at a time, you don't miss anything. You have total abundance of information and material. "

" In New York, we get down. In L.A., everybody's pretty much standing around like they're at a keg stand. You got to get the party started, so I just take my shirt off. "

" They say that every Jewish person is supposed to love one black person in his life. I'm glad Lorne Michaels chose me. "

" I have the person at home, the person who has his privacy, too. Michael Jackson didn't do the moonwalk in his kitchen. "

" No one set that I ever do is the same. I mean, if I go to a comedy club, and I perform three sets, all three sets are different because anything can happen in between sets. "

" On 'Saturday Night Live,' I never really wrote. You know, I would just - I would let the writers cast me into the show. So my strength - and I put all my energies into performance. I just couldn't deal with the rejection, you know, getting your sketches cut, and it was hard for me. "

" If I gamble, I'll play roulette. My wife and I will play roulette, and that's about it. I'm not a heavy gambler. "

" If I make fun of somebody at my show, believe me, it's something we can all laugh at. "

" I know how people are. We fixate on controversy and all that. "

" I guess I'm entertaining; I guess I'm interesting. I guess the things that I say sell papers. I guess they sell magazines. I don't know. "

" I have a pretty diverse audience, and that makes me happy - laughter is universal, and I don't differentiate between people at all. Why should I? People are people. There's no reason why one person can't relate to any other person on this planet in some way or another. "

" White women love me 'cause of my edge. And I love white women. "

" It gets scary when you're dealing with people who don't know how to separate fact from fiction. "

" It's like going to the zoo when you come to my house. I have snakes, three sharks, moray eels, piranhas, five scorpions and a bird spider. "

" You gotta understand, my great-grandfather was German and Irish. My grandmother was Indian, and my grandfather was African-American, so we all got a little something in us. "

" I think hip hop is dead. It's all pop now. If you call it hip hop, then you need to stop. Hip hop was a movement. Hip hop was a culture. Hip hop was a way of life. It's all commercial now. "

" I love '30 Rock' because Tina Fey allows me to fly over the cuckoo nest once a week. "

" I know how bad bullying can hurt. I was bullied when I was a kid. "

" The most romantic thing I ever did to my woman? I painted her toenails! "

" I'm human, I feel, I understand. That's the highest level of love, is understanding - when you can understand someone, when you can love them with their flaws and their faults. So I understand, I consider. I may speak the truth, but I'll consider your feelings, too. "

" What am I afraid of? The IRS. That's it. I don't want those people knockin' on my door, man. "

" Stand-up don't get no respect - it's the hardest thing to do in show business. You don't have no band and there's no music. "

" I've got friends who want money but don't want to do anything to earn it. "

" I'm a human being. I feel all emotions. I'm not just happy all the time. Sometimes, I'm sad and feel the blues. Sometimes I even want to feel the blues. Sometimes, you want to feel down. "

" Cool is the enemy of funny. You can't be cool and be funny at the same time. Only Eddie Murphy could do that. "

" I don't need no stool and mike stand. I don't need all of that to be funny. I've been funny my whole life. This is a gift God gave me. I spread love wherever I'm at. I'm like Marvin Gaye. "

" Sometimes I think we're exposed to things we shouldn't be exposed to too early. I think that sets the tone to a person's whole life. Trauma. "

" I want to be an example of a guy who made something of himself out of nothing. A guy who overcame the odds of a tough childhood, who worked hard, who didn't let his surroundings get the best of him and lead him to jail or the graveyard. Where I ended up - being a comedian, a TV star, and a movie actor - might be unique, but my story is not. "

" I don't have anything against Jimmy Fallon. I love Jimmy Fallon. He's my dude. "

" I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me. "