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" I just want to be funny, I just want to do comedy. "

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" In New York, we get down. In L.A., everybody's pretty much standing around like they're at a keg stand. You got to get the party started, so I just take my shirt off. "

" I'm not perfect, but I strive for it. "

" Bad news travels at the speed of light; good news travels like molasses. "

" My heart is committed to giving everyone the same rights that I deserve for myself. "

" Stand-up is the foundation to my career. It's what I started out doing. "

" I don't get on the phone and prank people and things like that on the phone with people, no. "

" It gets scary when you're dealing with people who don't know how to separate fact from fiction. "

" Welcome to post-racial America. I'm the face of post-racial America. "

" In my heart, I really don't care who you love, same sex or not; as long as you have the ability to love, that's the important thing here. "

" I love working with Alec Baldwin. He's one of the five greatest actors ever to live. "

" Comedians are the monkeys of acting. When you go to the zoo, everybody loves the monkey exhibit. "

" I'm art. You're art. We are God's greatest works, simple as that. "

" No matter what, if my son was gay, I'd treat him like a king. "

" If I had to describe my sense of humor, I would say it's contemporary wit, you know what I'm saying? "

" We need to learn to laugh at ourselves because when you don't laugh, you cry. And I don't feel like crying. "

" You have to be highly intelligent to get away with a dumb joke. That takes a pretty smart fella. "

" I don't control the line of 'funny,' 'funny,' 'funny,' 'not funny.' "

" What you have to understand is that my thing is not glamour. I love stretch marks and C-section scars and all of that. I'm a grown man. You don't gotta put on no makeup with me. "

" There's nothing wrong with looking at a woman's kneecaps. "

" I have a nice following in Boston. The Boston crowd is very hip. "

" I don't have anything against Jimmy Fallon. I love Jimmy Fallon. He's my dude. "

" I know who I am. When I look in the mirror, I see me. "

" I've still got family members living below the poverty line in New York. "

" You gotta understand, my great-grandfather was German and Irish. My grandmother was Indian, and my grandfather was African-American, so we all got a little something in us. "

" People walked out on Richard Pryor and he's the funniest man alive. "

" Comedy clubs are sacred ground. That's where anything goes. "

" Most people don't know what's happening around them because they're just speeding through life. And before they know it, they're just old. So I just try to slow it down. "

" God gave us dreams, but he gave us kids to make all those dreams worthwhile. And when I look at all my kids, I say everything that I've ever went through in my life was worthwhile. "

" I don't believe in storks. I know they don't deliver babies; they deliver pickles. "