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" The laws of the marketplace are physical laws, and they don't become suspended in a crisis any more than the law of gravity does. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Gravity
Law
Laws
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" The people who despise America are the editors of the 'New Statesman.' Their green-card applications must have been turned down. "
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" My working hypothesis is that stupidity in popular culture is a constant. Popular culture cannot get more stupid. "
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" Mistreatment of al Qaeda members and their friends and hangers-on is something I number among my moral concerns. But it's number 1,000,000,001. "
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" When elites see a homeless person in the gutter, they assume he's saving a parking place. "
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" The C student starts a restaurant. The A student writes restaurant reviews. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" People say free trade causes dislocation. In actual fact, it's the lowering of trade barriers that causes the dislocation. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" A person has got to balance work and life and family in order to be a balanced person. "
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" The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. "
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" Thank you, Occupy Wall Street. With your vivid example of anticapitalist squalor, I've been able to convince all three of my children to become investment bankers. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Three
You
Thank You
" We all know the types who listen to Pete Seeger songs; even Pete admits they aren't interesting. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Interesting
Who
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" Popular culture has become engorged, broadening and thickening until it's the only culture anyone notices. "
P. J. O'Rourke
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" Daniel Patrick Moynihan is the archetypal extremely smart person who went into politics anyway instead of doing something worthwhile for his country. "
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" All change is bad. But sometimes it has to be done. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Bad
Change
Done
" The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Failure
Happen
Success
" I like fiction and the kind of history that gives the grace and flavor of fiction to the past. No bloviation on current events, please. I can write that junk myself. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Past
Grace
History
" Nobody is making Americans buy Chinese goods. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Goods
Buy
Nobody
" If it were not for government regulation of big corporations, executives at companies like Enron, WorldCom, Tyco, they could have cheated investors out of millions. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Corporations
Big
Government
" Disney's Tomorrowland is deeply, thoroughly, almost furiously unimaginative. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Disney
Thoroughly
Almost
" The Communist bloc of old was a study in the failure of failure. Losers in the Soviet economy were the people at the end of the long lines for consumer goods. Worse losers were the people who had spent hours getting to the head of the line, only to be told that the goods were unavailable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
People
Head
End
" The number of American presidential candidates varies with the sunspot cycle and the phases of the moon. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
Cycle
Phases
" There are a number of Americans who shouldn't vote. The number is 57 percent, to judge by the combined total of Clinton and Perot ballots in the 1996 presidential election. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Percent
Vote
Number
" Kids are disorganized. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Disorganized
Kids
" Richard Nixon was the best thing that ever happened to journalism. I mean this guy was wonderful. Just when you thought he could get no worse, he got worse. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Mean
Best
You
" Gossip is what you say about the objects of flattery when they aren't present. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
Flattery
Gossip
" Banning paper and plastic and making shoppers carry their groceries home in their mouths like dogs is just the thing to make a little tin humanist in the Obama West Wing think he's admiral of the Uzbek Navy. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Navy
Dogs
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" Wealth brings great benefits to the world. Rich people are heros. "
P. J. O'Rourke
World
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People
" Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Like
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" All previous populist movements were demanding things from governments, whereas the Tea Party is saying, 'Give us less, go away.' That's heartening to see. "
P. J. O'Rourke
Go
Away
Party
" America is not doctrinaire. It's hard for an American politician to come up with an ideological position that is permanently unforgivable. "
P. J. O'Rourke
American
America
Hard
" The prevalence of mobile homes does not correspond with the prevalence of poverty, or with much of anything else. All that can be confidently said about America's mobile homes is that they are massed in places where you wouldn't want to be in one. Florida's mobile homes lie athwart the path of hurricanes. Georgia's are in the way of tornadoes. "
P. J. O'Rourke
You
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Lie