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" The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing. "

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" I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. "

" The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got. "

" If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production. "

" The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking. "

" I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one. "

" Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious. "

" In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time. "

" Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln. "

" We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business? "

" It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.' "

" The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. "

" Prohibition is better than no liquor at all. "

" Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction. "

" Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. "

Political Party

" Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. "

" Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due. "

" People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide. "

" The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you. "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. "

" A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth. "

" The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. "

" America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there. "

" I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. "

" Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "