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" America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there. "

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" Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there. "

" When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs. "

" I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies. "

" Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. "

" I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.' "

" Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln. "

" We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you. "

" Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts. "

" Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. "

" Never let yesterday use up too much of today. "

" It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so. "

" Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. "

" Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. "

" The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself. "

" There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education. "

" Prohibition is better than no liquor at all. "

" If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs. "

" It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for. "

" I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. "

" People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. "

" There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. "

" The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats. "

" What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds. "

" Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it. "