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" Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due. "

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" When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs. "

" There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education. "

" We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by. "

" We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business? "

" There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. "

" An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh. "

" Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. "

" It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so. "

" If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them. "

" Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else. "

" We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can. "

" Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. "

" When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat. "

Political Party

" You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. "

" Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it. "

" The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. "

" Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there. "

" The United States never lost a war or won a conference. "

" On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. "

" A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people. "

" Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious. "

" This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. "

" An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's. "

" Never let yesterday use up too much of today. "

" The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. "