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" Prohibition is better than no liquor at all. "

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" A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. "

" When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs. "

" Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in. "

" There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. "

" Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. "

" I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times. "

" The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking. "

" Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln. "

" Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches. "

" Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. "

" When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states. "

" Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. "

" This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. "

" If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production. "

" Things ain't what they used to be and never were. "

" Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. "

" You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is. "

" The schools ain't what they used to be and never was. "

" If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. "

" Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. "

" The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. "

" The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself. "

" An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh. "

" On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. "

" The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer. "

" A fool and his money are soon elected. "

" Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. "

" Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. "

" There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "

" I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. "