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" There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky. "
Colin Mochrie
Living
Thought
Skill
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" Many people think it's in bad taste to advertise for an insane asylum... but come on down. We're going crazy. "
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" Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung? "
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" I'm quite shy. Really. I'm trying to expand myself as a person more, get involved with people. "
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" When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage. "
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" My god! It's a hamster with explosives taped around it's waist! "
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" Comedy is such a personal thing. Everybody can cry at the same thing, but it's a lot harder to get everyone to laugh at the same thing. "
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" As I get older, I'm trying to accept improvisation into my day-to-day living. "
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" I'm a traveling practical joker. That's my line of work. "
Colin Mochrie
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Joker
Work
" My agent, Jeff Andrews, suggested I write a book. For some reason. he doesn't like it when I'm not doing anything. "
Colin Mochrie
Doing
Write
Book
" Give me liberty or a bran muffin! "
Colin Mochrie
Muffin
Me
Liberty
" The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs. "
Colin Mochrie
Stones
Who
Beatles
" Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had. "
Colin Mochrie
Real Life
Long
Mad
" I have many favorite artists... Van Gogh as one, but he didn't really sing a lot! "
Colin Mochrie
Lot
Sing
Many
" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "
Colin Mochrie
Whatever
Funny
Laugh
" The people who influenced me most were the people who said I would never make it. They gave me a thirst for revenge. "
Colin Mochrie
Never
Me
Most
" We'll be back to our nature documentary, 'Baggy the Anorexic Elephant' in just a second. "
Colin Mochrie
Elephant
Nature
Documentary
" You know, in the 1970's, when I was in high school, I belonged to a band called the Happy Funk Band. Until an unfortunate typo caused us to be expelled from school. "
Colin Mochrie
You
Know
High School
" And if that isn't the truth, it would be a lie. "
Colin Mochrie
Lie
Truth
Would
" Nine out of ten Americans believe that out of ten people, one person will always disagree with the other nine! "
Colin Mochrie
Person
People
Will
" Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises. "
Colin Mochrie
Famous
Today
Story
" I am such a pessimist that every project has surpassed what I envisioned. "
Colin Mochrie
Every
Project
Pessimist
" As a kid I watched television 24 hours a day and loved every minute of it. The two shows that always make me laugh and are therefore my favourites are The Dick Van Dyke Show and Fawlty Towers. "
Colin Mochrie
Loved
Television
Me
" We all have a dinosaur deep within us just trying to get out. "
Colin Mochrie
Just
Dinosaur
Within
" Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod? "
Colin Mochrie
Dying
Well
Rivers
" The American audiences are more vocal and enthusiastic. British audiences tend to sit back a little more. "
Colin Mochrie
American
Sit
Little
" Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries. "
Colin Mochrie
Your
Call
Mother
" I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine. "
Colin Mochrie
Right
Nothing
Challenge
" Give me liberty or give me a bran muffin! "
Colin Mochrie
Give
Muffin
Liberty
" There are so many things I'd like to change in the industry. Everything from the reliance of style over substance to their reluctance to hire me for big budget blockbusters, but the thing I would love most would be if they understood people don't have to be Hollywood beautiful to be sexy or interesting. "
Colin Mochrie
Change
Love
People
" This just in: Beverly Hills 90210, Cleveland Browns 3. "
Colin Mochrie
Cleveland
Hills
Just