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" We want to be funny. We want to make people laugh... We'll do whatever it takes. "

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" I love comedians that dive into politics. I personally don't feel comfortable, with my background, weighing in unless I have a take that I think is funny enough that I would put it in front of an audience. "

" Never fight an inanimate object. "

" The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. "

" I have really fond memories of growing up in Chicago, and I always love going back. I still have a lot of really good friends from high school that I go to dinner with. It's kind of become a tradition when I go out there to do a show to give a few friends a call, tell some funny stories about high school and walk down memory lane. "

" If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" Instant gratification takes too long. "

" Chaos in the midst of chaos isn't funny, but chaos in the midst of order is. "

" It's really funny because the same people who loved me as Stringer Bell were the same people that were watching 'Daddy's Little Girls' literally in tears. "

" I never liked you, and I always will. "

" To handle that stardom, the red carpets, the photo shoots, people all of a sudden recognizing you and following you in everyday life, it's a bit weird. It's strange, and it can have funny effects on you in terms of do you like it or don't you like it. Some people run away from it, some people embrace it; I found a good middle ground. "

" Every man has a sane spot somewhere. "

Robert Louis Stevenson

" I went window shopping today! I bought four windows. "

" I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society. "

" The funny thing is, I've never really hurt myself in an action movie. I've done 'Wanted,' 'X-Men,' 'Welcome To The Punch,' even 'Trance' to a certain extent has little bits of action and stuff, but I've never really hurt myself at all - not even like a sprained ankle. "

" If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon. "

" I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry. "

" One man's folly is another man's wife. "

" As for our majority... one is enough. "

Benjamin Disraeli

" It's funny: I can never sleep between shows; I think it's because I don't like to switch the motor off. I'll probably have some chicken or pasta, though never the two together, and maybe go out for a quick wander around. "

" The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. "

Jean de la Bruyere

" A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children. "

" It's a funny thing: my name in Arabic means hope, so I suppose I have to live by that principle. Hope is desire, feeling, and investing in a projection of something that doesn't yet exist. At its best, you witness its alchemy in your life, turning something that was once in the mind into reality. At its worst, it's delusion. "

" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "

" Everyone has at least one story, and each of us is funny if we admit it. You have to admit you're the funniest person you've ever heard of. "

" I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. "

" By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out. "

Richard Dawkins

" I like being funny; I like laughing with people. "

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. "