Get QuoteDark Inspirational Quotes App

" There's not going to be a 'Rescue Me' movie. Not a chance. "

Related Quotes:

" You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't. "

" I went to see the 'Spider-Man' movies because my wife is a fan, and so are my kids. "

" I think daycare is great for people who have to work two jobs. My problem is with people who are dropping kids off at daycare because they want to go out and spend the day golfing or getting their nails done. You know what I mean? That's not why they invented daycare. "

" I'm really good at laundry, and I have no problem cleaning the kitchen. "

" I spent a long time working in the movies to figure out that kind of acting and also how to write and produce for the screen. "

" I've always had a thing for Catwoman. Michelle Pfeiffer or Halle Berry in tight leather pants, with the boots - I'm pretty good with either one. "

" Racism isn't born, folks, it's taught. I have a two-year-old son. You know what he hates? Naps! End of list. "

" Once you have a firefighter in your family, your family and the families from his crew become one big extended family. "

" Stand-up comedy and comedy in general is the ultimate form of free speech, because you get to poke holes in all the pretentious bubbles politicians and pundits and popes and pretenders try to float over our heads. "

" I think it's a shame when you come across young actors and musicians who haven't had the time to learn their craft. It doesn't matter if it's acting or music; you really have to learn how to do it from the bottom up because unless you have a great work ethic... fame is a terrible thing to have. "

" The best thing about series TV is that everyone you work with is hand-picked, as compared to working on a film. "

" If you're over 52 years old and you're on Facebook, do us all a favor and log off now. "

" Anybody who's done standup will tell you that there's nothing like it. The show starts at 8:00, the curtain goes up and there's nobody else except you and the audience, and you just perform for them for two hours. Nobody yells, 'Cut!' There are no retakes. That is still the most exciting medium for me, and I love it. "

" I will not bond. I will not share. I refuse to nurture. "

" People saying, 'Life didn't turn out the way I wanted it to.' Welcome to the club. I wanted to be the starting center-fielder for the Boston Red Sox, for chrissakes! "

" My goal is to leave this planet with the biggest carbon footprint I can possibly leave. "

" My father could swear in Gaelic and English, by the way, ladies and gentlemen. "

" When I go to Batman movies, I always think, 'Man, I would like to be a bad guy in a Batman movie.' especially as they got darker when they go to the Christian Bale era. "

" I really, really like 'Eastbound & Down.' It's one of the few things that makes me laugh. It's almost too funny to get an award. "

" I'm really happy I went to a Catholic school because a lot of the repressive tactics they use make for great senses of humor. "

" I love Santa Monica and Venice because I like the beach. I have a lot of friends in that area. "

" Usually when you watch a film, you're just sort of biting your nails about things you could have done differently. "

" Wolfhounds helped kill off the wolves in Ireland. "

" My dad was very much a John Wayne kind of guy, but he was also a great guy, great sense of humor, a real dedicated dad. I don't think he ever missed a hockey game I was in. "

" Willem Dafoe and I are actually the same person. "

" My career plan at this point is 'Ice Age 5' through '10,' and even '12,' and 'Spider Man' - you know, basically I'd be Emma Stone's dad for the rest of my career. I really don't have any problem doing that. "

" When I was doing standup, I always wanted to get out of the standup world and take it back into the theatrical world, like with 'No Cure For Cancer.' "

" When I was a teenager, you couldn't get straight pants. Then in '76, when punk started to hit, it was a revelation that you could find straight pants again. "

" If you see me doing a new stand-up special, it probably means I've been out of work for a while. "

" Every actor thinks he can do comedy, and it's not true. "