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" To be honest, I would never have imagined myself acting on a sitcom that I didn't write. "

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" People dream their whole lives of their Oscar speech; I dreamt my whole life of hosting the Oscars. "

" If you're a psychologist, you can instrumentally change peoples lives for the better. But you can only do that for about 300 people to maybe a thousand people - if you're really prolific and you're working really hard. "

" It's always fun to agree to be in a movie when you have no idea what it's actually going to be! "

" I love Denver. "

" Slowly but surely, I went through different phases of fame, and each rises you further into isolation and alienation. "

" I care less about selling tickets and getting Twitter followers than I do about making as many people laugh as I can. I'd rather make people laugh than make them know who T.J. Miller is. "

" We try and reflect that there's a lot of optimism, there's a lot of positive things that are happening in 'Silicon Valley'. "

" I drink a fair amount of ramen noodles. "

" I don't sit and write stand-up material; I come up with an idea onstage. "

" It doesn't matter to me if I'm in love with my performance, so I watch all of my performances to understand and learn from them and figure out what's working and what's not. And I see the movies that I'm in in the theater a lot. "

" I don't know how much the economy has changed since Jonathan Swift's 'A Modest Proposal.' "

" My father always said I have a face for radio, and 'Cloverfield' was one of my finest pieces of work. "

" My face is oblong. But the best grooming is confidence. "

" I feel a strong affinity to Ke$ha and Katy Perry and a lot of these women who are really pushing the girl power femme fatale thing. It's fun, and it's unapologetic, and they tell women they can do whatever they want, and that's true, and that's a message that I want to carry, to tell girls they can do whatever they want. "

" I don't believe in alcohol. It's a sort of a medicinal necessity for the human condition, none of that stuff. I'm not a gambling man. "

" There is no place for a person like me in a world that only takes itself seriously. Satire is so necessary but fairly ineffective. "

" The moment in which you make somebody laugh, you're only doing it to make them laugh and be happy. Then afterward you can be like, 'Oh, I just want the attention. I feel so good that everybody's listening to me and I got the approval that I need.' "

" I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'. "

" I try to be an ethical, moral person and a nice person, and I like to have that reflected in my comedy. I'm not a mean comedian, and I don't think that my comedy is mean. I think that for the most part, it's more focused on the diversity that we all handle and try to provide a distraction from the disaster of modern living. "

" Always remember: My general theme is 'There is no message.' There never has been. Stop trying to find the message or the meaning in everything. That's. My. Theme. "

" I sound like a chain-smoking drag queen after a hard night of singing 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon'. "

" I actually prefer Twitter as a medium, and I also got into Periscope for a second, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I can't figure out if the only important thing about it is the live broadcast, or if it's an interesting kind of way to log what you do. "

" When you get into a car, and there's trash, or it's dirty, or one of the hubcaps is off, you're like, 'Come on, dude.' Every woman likes the confidence and self-respect that says, 'I get oil changes. I look after my vehicle.' That's what I recommend: Act like you don't care, but take care of your body. "

" One of the exciting things about an entanglement puzzle is there's no end to it. Once you solve how to take it apart, you have to solve how to put it back together. "

" Everybody asks me what it was like to be in my underwear for my network television debut. "

" To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded. "

" Effective satire has to be almost identical to the subject that it is skewering. "

" Some people in Silicon Valley are as bad as the 'Koch Brothers', you know? Don't be mistaken. For every some of those, though, you get people who come up with something like 'Leafly', which does what 'Yelp' has done, but in a much more specific way, and it's important because it's the dawn of this new era. "

" Life is hard. Not great. Kind of tragic. "

" I don't know that I would host the Golden Globes or the Emmys because I don't think they have the appreciation for irreverence that the Critics Choice does. "