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" I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'. "

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" Mucinex were like, 'Would you like to be the Mucinex man? You sound like you're sick right now'. In each spot, they give me a little bit of room to do something strange. And in a world of fractured mediums, where there is no zeitgeist, and you get your comedy from your phone, it's all content. "

" I sound like a chain-smoking drag queen after a hard night of singing 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon'. "

" I consider everybody who takes themselves seriously to be a little bit off. And Silicon Valley seems to be the most effusive about how important their contributions are to society. "

" I actually prefer Twitter as a medium, and I also got into Periscope for a second, but I'm still trying to figure out what to do with it. I can't figure out if the only important thing about it is the live broadcast, or if it's an interesting kind of way to log what you do. "

" I do comedy to give people an ephemeral escape from the tragedy that permeates everyday life. "

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" I don't believe in alcohol. It's a sort of a medicinal necessity for the human condition, none of that stuff. I'm not a gambling man. "

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