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" If you're a psychologist, you can instrumentally change peoples lives for the better. But you can only do that for about 300 people to maybe a thousand people - if you're really prolific and you're working really hard. "

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" I consider everybody who takes themselves seriously to be a little bit off. And Silicon Valley seems to be the most effusive about how important their contributions are to society. "

T. J. Miller

Important

Seriously

Society

" Life is hard. Not great. Kind of tragic. "

" I don't believe in alcohol. It's a sort of a medicinal necessity for the human condition, none of that stuff. I'm not a gambling man. "

" One of the exciting things about an entanglement puzzle is there's no end to it. Once you solve how to take it apart, you have to solve how to put it back together. "

" Mike Judge is my Jonathan Swift, and I say that because I don't know any other satirists. But the problem with satire is that it's so easily misinterpreted. "

" I would say that awards are for children. Because children need a tangible representation of their achievement. And as adults, you have to settle for the respect and admiration of your peers. "

" I think I'm just a comedian who's a pretty good con man, and I don't see that changing any time soon. "

" There's nothing I would love more than to host an awards show where I'm nominated for an award - that is so funny to me. "

" Always remember: My general theme is 'There is no message.' There never has been. Stop trying to find the message or the meaning in everything. That's. My. Theme. "

" I told the Mucinex people, 'You picked me because I always sound sick'. They were like, 'Well, it doesn't hurt'. "

T. J. Miller

People

Hurt

" People dream their whole lives of their Oscar speech; I dreamt my whole life of hosting the Oscars. "

" I do like the idea of being an auteur in the sense of writing and being in your own stuff. "

" To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded. "

" I know about the tech industry in that I follow what apps are hot and software development. I know my way around different browsers. I know how to restart a computer. "

T. J. Miller

Know

Way

" Funny is as funny does, and funny puts on a walrus mask and slowly gyrates in a mall food court. I laugh at absurdity hardest, then stories, then observations, then bearded men on roller skates. "

" Some people in Silicon Valley are as bad as the 'Koch Brothers', you know? Don't be mistaken. For every some of those, though, you get people who come up with something like 'Leafly', which does what 'Yelp' has done, but in a much more specific way, and it's important because it's the dawn of this new era. "

" I do comedy to give people an ephemeral escape from the tragedy that permeates everyday life. "

" Every time I could possibly be doing stand up, I am. "

T. J. Miller

I Am

Stand

" I have perfectly symmetrical ankles. "

" I don't really know how to act that much. I'm quite good at comedy, but it's mostly acting naturally. "

" Mucinex were like, 'Would you like to be the Mucinex man? You sound like you're sick right now'. In each spot, they give me a little bit of room to do something strange. And in a world of fractured mediums, where there is no zeitgeist, and you get your comedy from your phone, it's all content. "

T. J. Miller

Phone

Man

" The moment in which you make somebody laugh, you're only doing it to make them laugh and be happy. Then afterward you can be like, 'Oh, I just want the attention. I feel so good that everybody's listening to me and I got the approval that I need.' "

" I'm a Nietzschean scholar. I've read an immense amount about nihilism and existentialism. "

" There's sketch, improv, writing, acting, music, and badminton. Those are the seven forms of comedy. But I do like the idea of being an auteur in the sense of writing and being in your own stuff. "

" I was the Head Boy of East High School in 1999. I represent 303 - the area code, not the band - Mile High, until I die. I'm 31, a comedian; I juggle, but I don't glove it. I think waxed mustaches run a very thin line between hipster and 1800s barkeep. "

" We're not a nation divided: we're a nation broken, and anything broken can be fixed. "

" Comedy gives you a shot of euphoria that distracts you from everything that's awful. "

" I don't sit and write stand-up material; I come up with an idea onstage. "

T. J. Miller

Sit

Write

" We try and reflect that there's a lot of optimism, there's a lot of positive things that are happening in 'Silicon Valley'. "