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" My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas. "

Don Rickles

Eye

Mother

Man

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" When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight. "

" I do situations and make fun of authority and life. "

" They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities. "

Don Rickles

Always

Sitting

" We were Orthodox Jews, but we really didn't deserve it. I mean, bacon - my father said, 'Don't put bacon in the house,' but we had bacon. We didn't keep kosher. And we observed which today would be Conservative Jews. But in those days, we belonged to an Orthodox temple. So we made out we were Orthodox Jews, but we really weren't. "

" One thing a comedian does, when you step on the stage, you're selling yourself, and certainly I don't think the whole world can love you. But if you can get the majority on your side, you're really in business. "

" Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one. "

" I was a mother's boy. "

Don Rickles

Mother

Boy

" Sinatra was somebody special. "

" My mother was a Jewish General Patton. "

" My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss. "

" Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder? "

" Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black. "

" The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know. "

" Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, 'Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?' "

" I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me. "

Don Rickles

Care

Road

" My grandchildren just know me now as Mr. Potato Head. "

" I don't walk into a dinner party and say, 'You're an idiot; give me my coat.' "

Don Rickles

Walk

Party

" The young comedians always ask me, 'What's the secret for staying around?' I tell them, 'There is no secret - just stay around. Longevity is the most important thing.' "

Don Rickles

Important

Longevity

" Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones. "

" You know what's funny to me? Attitude. "

" Alan King, a comedian I adored, was considered society, and I was considered the Jewish kid from the neighborhood. "

" I spent two and a half years in the Philippines in World War II. "

" I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important. "

" Nobody ever dared with Frank, because he had such mood swings, and you never knew how he was going to react. But I could tell the minute I saw him that he was going to be in my corner. "

" Diana Krall I met in, I think it was Canada. She's a lovely lady. Her husband, Elvis Costello, is a great star. "

" After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is. "

Don Rickles

Talking

Difficult

" There's a difference between an actual insult and a friendly jab. So I don't think I'm offensive onstage. "

" I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day. "

" Don't call me 'sir; 'King Jew' will do fine. "

Don Rickles

Will

King

" My mother was a big influence. She kept pushing me because I was very shy and inhibited. And schoolwork was very difficult for me because I couldn't concentrate. I was failing almost every subject. To this day, I'm not too good at reading a book. But I was the president of my high school comedy group, and they treated me like a king. "