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" When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs. "

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" When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states. "

" Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln. "

" Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation. "

" A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people. "

" This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. "

" It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. "

" Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. "

" A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries. "

" Politics is applesauce. "

" America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there. "

" The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got. "

" The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you. "

" The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats. "

" Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due. "

" About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation. "

" The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it. "

" I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. "

" Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far. "

" Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. "

" There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. "

" I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.' "

" The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living. "

" People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. "

" I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one. "

" We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business? "

" There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. "

" We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by. "

" Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction. "

" There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. "

" If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable. "