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" I aim to please. I'm nothing if not a vaudevillian. "

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" I have no ambitions beyond being comfortable in what I do for a living - and earning a living. "

" I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I'm a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my commission, I don't care for it. "

" Is it really that important? It's just television, for God's sake. It's not medicine or something. "

" I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It's quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It's kind of a happy train wreck. "

" I wanted to be a rock star. "

" You know, your whole life you're concerned about money for this and that. And then you don't have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff. "

" I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It's 12:30 at night, you don't want some guy yelling at you. You want some guy just talking to you. "

" I came to America, and I made good. It's an old story, but it hasn't been told in a long time. Usually, it's, 'I'm an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.' My story is I came here, I worked hard, and it worked out all right. So it's still available. "

" It's not that we fly by the seat of our pants. We're not afraid of failure. "

" I think I'm just someone that just tries to get by. I'm kind of - if it was during the Second World War, I'd be a black marketeer, I think. "

" The truth is, you win the Lotto. That's really how you have to approach it. You're a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes. "

" Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child. "

" For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful - the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards - going after them. We shouldn't be attacking the vulnerable. "

" I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. "

" Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn't Scotland's fault. It was my circumstances. I was - I hate to say the word humbled - but that's what it felt like. I was wrong about this place. This is a great place full of very fun people. "

" I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. "

" If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. "

" I'm careful with money. "

" It's the beauty and curse of doing a daily show. Some days you've got nothing to talk about and other days Dick Cheney shoots his lawyer in the face and everyone is happy. "

" I've got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now. "

" All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals. "

" A friend of mine that I was in a band with started me on Kafka, which in turn led to Camus and Sartre. "

" Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear. "

" I'm crazy. I know I'm crazy 'cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he's very clever. He said, 'You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.' And I'm going to. "

" When I stopped drinking, it was only because I thought if I don't stop, I'm going to die. "

" A lot of people come to L.A. looking for something. What I came here for, I realize now, is to be okay with myself. "

" Historically, when Americans don't know what to do next, they go to Paris. Benjamin Franklin is like: 'What am I going to do now? I'll go to Paris!' "

" Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me. "

" I realized women and humor were linked very closely. "

" It's very interesting to know what people are doing while you're working on late-night television. "