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" Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. "

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" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing. "

" An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. "

" This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die. "

" It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you. "

" When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur. "

" I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.' "

" Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. "

" Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse. "

" The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. "

" If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production. "

" Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far. "

" It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so. "

" If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable. "

" If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them. "

" Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate? "

" Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. "

" There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education. "

" Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. "

" Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. "

" One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide. "

" Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. "

" Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do. "

" Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth. "

" There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail. "

" We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others. "

" I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times. "

" The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it. "

" I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. "

" Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. "