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" Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. "
Mark Twain
You
Way
Heels
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" If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. "
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Tell
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" I can live for two months on a good compliment. "
Mark Twain
Live
Two
Compliment
" To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. "
Mark Twain
Noble
How
Trouble
" The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. "
Mark Twain
Lightning
Fools
Right
" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "
Mark Twain
Only
Banner
Race
" Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. "
Mark Twain
Unnecessary
Limitless
Civilization
" Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. "
Mark Twain
Success
Eat
Fight
" Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. "
Mark Twain
Pity
Party
Boat
" If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. "
Mark Twain
Crossed
Man
Would
" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "
Mark Twain
Other
People
Nothing
" When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. "
Mark Twain
Happened
Younger
Remember
" The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. "
Mark Twain
Procession
Wit
Tail
" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "
Mark Twain
Two
Frog
Job
" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. "
Mark Twain
Deserve
Them
Than
" Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. "
Mark Twain
Friends
Books
Good
" The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. "
Mark Twain
Use
Word
Beginning
" In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. "
Mark Twain
Inside
Hours
Nature
" Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. "
Mark Twain
Truth
Possibilities
Fiction
" Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. "
Mark Twain
People
Do The Right Thing
Right
" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "
Mark Twain
Difference
Cat
Only
" Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "
Mark Twain
Other
Much
Think
" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "
Mark Twain
Fluid
Prejudice
Ink
" She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. "
Mark Twain
Person
She
Call
" Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. "
Mark Twain
Whatever
Obliged
Play
" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "
Mark Twain
Force
Principles
Real
" We have the best government that money can buy. "
Mark Twain
Buy
Government
Money
" Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' "
Mark Twain
Only
People
Right
" All right, then, I'll go to hell. "
Mark Twain
Then
Right
Go
" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "
Mark Twain
Disappointment
My Life
Life
" As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. "
Mark Twain
Myself
Moderation
Smoking