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" Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it. "

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" If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. "

" I can live for two months on a good compliment. "

" To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. "

" The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. "

" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "

" Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities. "

" Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. "

" Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat. "

" If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat. "

" Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits. "

" When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not. "

" The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession. "

" If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first. "

" It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them. "

" Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. "

" The educated Southerner has no use for an 'r', except at the beginning of a word. "

" In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. "

" Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. "

" Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest. "

Do The Right Thing

" The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives. "

" Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "

" The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice. "

" She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot. "

" Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. "

" Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. "

" We have the best government that money can buy. "

" Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.' "

" All right, then, I'll go to hell. "

" I came in with Halley's Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don't go out with Halley's Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: 'Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.' "

" As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain from smoking when awake. "