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" Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. "

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" Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "

" Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. "

" Better a broken promise than none at all. "

" Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. "

" I never let schooling interfere with my education. "

" The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. "

" It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. "

" Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. "

" It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. "

" Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. "

" Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner. "

" It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them. "

" We are all alike, on the inside. "

" The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right. "

" The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. "

" Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

" Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. "

" What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin. "

" A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. "

" Prosperity is the best protector of principle. "

" Be careless in your dress if you must, but keep a tidy soul. "

" The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause. "

" Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life. "

" Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. "

" It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. "

" All right, then, I'll go to hell. "