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" I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places. "

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" Don't let schooling interfere with your education. "

" I never let schooling interfere with my education. "

" Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written. "

" The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "

" When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. "

" The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. "

" Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. "

" I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way. "

" Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. "

" The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this. "

" The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. "

" Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. "

" Let us endeavor so to live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry. "

" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation. "

" I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened. "

" God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. "

" Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. "

" Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. "

" Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it. "

" Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. "

" The lack of money is the root of all evil. "

" We are all alike, on the inside. "

" The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become. "

" Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation. "

" Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. "

" The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes. "

" It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. "