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" How lucky Adam was. He knew when he said a good thing, nobody had said it before. "

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" Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied. "

" I never let schooling interfere with my education. "

" It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected. "

" No sinner is ever saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon. "

" It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare. "

" When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people. "

" Few of us can stand prosperity. Another man's, I mean. "

" The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. "

" Humor is mankind's greatest blessing. "

" Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. "

" The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven. "

" Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. "

" A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation. "

" When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself. "

" I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. "

" The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. "

" Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. "

College Education

" When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn. "

" Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough. "

" Everything has its limit - iron ore cannot be educated into gold. "

" Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. "

" Loyalty to the Nation all the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it. "

" In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours. "

" Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own. "

" Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. "

" Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others. "

" Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. "

" He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "

" When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained. "

" The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. "