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" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "
Judith Martin
Last
Rules
People
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" Etiquette does not render you defenseless. If it did, even I wouldn't subscribe to it. But rudeness in retaliation for rudeness just doubles the amount of rudeness in the world. "
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" We're now seeing email that people thought they had deleted showing up as evidence in court. You can't erase email. As that becomes more commonly realized, people will be a little wiser about what they type. "
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" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "
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" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "
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" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "
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" Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one. "
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" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "
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" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "
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" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "
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Worry
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" You glance at an e-mail. You give more attention to a real letter. "
Judith Martin
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Real
" My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible. "
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" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "
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" Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not. "
Judith Martin
Love
Say
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" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "
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Directions
Alone
Need
" Chaperons don't enforce morality; they force immorality to be discreet. "
Judith Martin
Force
Discreet
Immorality
" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "
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Know
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" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "
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Right
You
Everything
" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "
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Honesty
Name
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" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "
Judith Martin
Good
Help
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" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "
Judith Martin
Sin
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Virtue
" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "
Judith Martin
Anything
Nobody
Going
" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "
Judith Martin
Must
Spontaneous
Fresh
" Being polite does not mean being mummified. "
Judith Martin
Polite
Being
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" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "
Judith Martin
Class
America
Middle
" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "
Judith Martin
You
Anything
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" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "
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" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "
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Others
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" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "
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" The greater the controversy, the more you need manners. "
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" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "
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