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" I make a distinction between manners and etiquette - manners as the principles, which are eternal and universal, etiquette as the particular rules which are arbitrary and different in different times, different situations, different cultures. "

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" 'Honesty' in social life is often used as a cover for rudeness. But there is quite a difference between being candid in what you're talking about, and people voicing their insulting opinions under the name of honesty. "

Judith Martin

Honesty

Name

Life

" Most people who work at home find they do not have the benefit of receptionists who serve as personal guards. "

" Etiquette is all human social behavior. If you're a hermit on a mountain, you don't have to worry about etiquette; if somebody comes up the mountain, then you've got a problem. It matters because we want to live in reasonably harmonious communities. "

" If written directions alone would suffice, libraries wouldn't need to have the rest of the universities attached. "

" First. I began my career as a copy girl. and the White House coverage, for example, was in the then-Women's section. So it was social coverage. It wasn't news, although we often got rather startling news out of it. "

" Chaperons, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution. "

" My children did not go through a stage of being rude to their parents. I'm sorry if that sounds incredible. "

" Freedom without rules doesn't work. And communities do not work unless they are regulated by etiquette. "

" We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. "

" Indeed, Miss Manners has come to believe that the basic political division in this country is not between liberals and conservatives but between those who believe that they should have a say in the love lives of strangers and those who do not. "

" Over the last couple of decades, the personalization of the office changed dramatically... there's an informality people often take for the absence of rules - which it's not. "

" People read informality as, 'Do whatever you feel like,' and whatever you feel like might be disastrous. "

Judith Martin

You

Whatever

" Many people mistakenly think a new technology cancels out an old one. "

" For email, the old postcard rule applies. Nobody else is supposed to read your postcards, but you'd be a fool if you wrote anything private on one. "

" Obviously I'm going to be polite, so nobody has anything to fear from me. "

" The mistake people keep making is that if they find a wonderful new tool, like email, they have to give up all others. They don't. You have simply added another very useful means to your communications repertoire. "

" The greater the controversy, the more you need manners. "

" There are three social classes in America: upper middle class, middle class, and lower middle class. "

" Learn graceful ways of saying no and of pointing out that this pressure to do something is not in line with most people's wishes. "

" Honesty has come to mean the privilege of insulting you to your face without expecting redress. "

" You do not have to do everything disagreeable that you have a right to do. "

" It's far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. "

Judith Martin

Good

Help

" One of the big no-nos in cyberspace is that you do not go into a social activity, a chat group or something like that, and start advertising or selling things. This etiquette rule is an attempt to separate one's social life, which should be pure enjoyment and relaxation, from the pressures of work. "

" The language of clothing is high symbolism and we all, in moments where we need to know this, realize it. "

" When people start hurling insults at you, you know their minds are closed and there's no point in debating. You disengage yourself as quickly as possible from the situation. "

" Hypocrisy is not generally a social sin, but a virtue. "

" Parents should conduct their arguments in quiet, respectful tones, but in a foreign language. You'd be surprised what an inducement that is to the education of children. "

" Presents are symbolic. When you give them in your personal life, they should show that you are paying attention to the person to whom you're giving them. "

" When a society abandons its ideals just because most people can't live up to them, behavior gets very ugly indeed. "

" I try to behave myself, and I succeed. "