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" Originally, I came from Texas, and we lived on - I guess you'd call it welfare, what we called relief. "

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" In '57, I got a job at the Blue Angel nightclub, and a gentleman named Ken Welch wrote all my material for me. I lived at a place called the Rehearsal Club that was actually the basis for a play called Stage Door. "

" I'm so happy with what has happened in my life. "

" My first book was an open letter to my three daughters. "

" I had a good loud voice and I wasn't afraid to be goofy or zany. "

" Well, I don't know how astute I am, but I did want to be a journalist when I was growing up. "

" I come from Texas, and my grandmother and mother were born in Arkansas. "

" I never regretted turning down anything, I never regretted losing a job because I always felt something else was out there. "

" Words, once they are printed, have a life of their own. "

" I've always been optimistic. And I have a feeling that it happened because of going to all those movies with my grandmother in the '40s because there was no cynicism. "

" I loved the Kennedy Center Honors because you just sit there, smile, wave, and cry. "

" We all get where we're going by circuitous journeys, and some of the setbacks are warranted. "

" My childhood was rough, we were poor and my parents were alcoholics, but nobody was mean. I knew I was loved. We were on welfare, but I never felt abandoned or unloved. "

" I was raised going to the movies with my grandmother as a kid. And then I'd come home, and my best friend and I would act out the films that we saw. "

" I don't watch sitcoms. I really don't. My problem with them is they take so long to film them that there's no spontaneity. I want to see that. "

" Ask anyone who's successful how they got there, you're going to hear a different story. "

" I'm really not that funny in real life! But I am the best audience one could find. I love to laugh. "

" On the good days, my mother would haul out the ukulele and we'd sit around the kitchen table - it was a cardboard table with a linoleum top - and sing. "

" Steve Martin in 'All of Me,' when he did that whole thing where he was possessed by the spirit in his body? It was brilliant. "

" I was very entertained by Betty Grable and Judy Garland. "

" Just scream! You vent, and the body just feels good after a good old yell. "

" I was once asked to do my Tarzan yell at Bergdorf Goodman, and a guard burst in with a gun! Now I only do it under controlled circumstances. "

" I prefer doing TV, where it can be different every time. "

" But I didn't ask to have somebody nose around in my private life. I didn't even ask to be famous. All I asked was to be able to earn a living making people laugh. "

" Everybody I know who is funny, it's in them. You can teach timing, or some people are able to tell a joke, though I don't like to tell jokes. But I think you have to be born with a sense of humor and a sense of timing. "

" I have an iPhone, and I can text, and I can use the phone, and I can even take pictures with it. "

" I don't have false teeth. Do you think I'd buy teeth like these? "

" Adolescence is just one big walking pimple. "

" My grandmother and I saw an average of eight movies a week, double features, second run. "

" I loved doing 'The Family' with Eunice and Mama. They were very interesting because there were no jokes written into those sketches. It was all character-driven. And sometimes it got a little heavy. "

" Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. "