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" I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them. "

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" After all, game shows are not like working in a coal mine. "

" Being a celebrity, you always get really good seats to sporting events, but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. "

" There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game. "

" As far as your personal goals are and what you actually want to do with your life, it should never have to do with the government. You should never depend on the government for your retirement, your financial security, for anything. If you do, you're screwed. "

" I don't run outside, honestly. Sometimes I go out around my house, but mainly it's the stupid treadmill. I wish I had a better answer, but I'm very businesslike about my runs. "

" I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day. "

" The Marines was a fresh start - that is why they shave your head. I wish they would let you change your name. "

" 'Green Screen' was a total experiment. I'm glad we did it, but it was just tough on that network to get it going. "

" I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid. "

" The hardest diet I was ever on was the one when I was fat. You can only wear fat clothes, you don't feel good, your sex life gets damaged, you don't have energy for anything. It's horrible. "

" When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show. "

" There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me. "

" I always run in the morning on an empty stomach, and I'll go through a bottle and a half of water. Then I have a protein drink or I eat egg whites. "

" I've got to say that I don't see myself as some sort of political type like Alec Baldwin or Barbra Streisand. I don't want to come across like that. I'd be embarrassed if that was the way I came across. "

" Reality shows always look for the worst people. "

" I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything. "

Change The World

" I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys. "

" I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson. "

" At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know? "

" I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun. "

" You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither. "

" Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test. "

" I'm competitive at everything. "

" People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are. "

" I always thought I was going to die before I was 60. "

" We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again. "

" I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody. "

" I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet. "

" When the show's in production, we work for three weeks at a time and then take a week off. "

" When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot. "