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" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

Karl Pilkington

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" I sometimes wonder how we're short of cod. There's gonna be a load deep down that are hiding. But it's a good reason to put the price up, and it means a load of people will have haddock. They should tell people they're running out of all sorts. Make 'em panic a bit. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "

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" I've learnt that, even though I've travelled about, I haven't changed that much. "

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" A slug is always on its own. It's a lonely insect. "

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" When you've been on a programme called 'An Idiot Abroad' job offers aren't exactly flying in. "

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" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

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" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I am into nature and seeing whales. I went whale-watching, and I was really looking forward to that, but when you see it on TV and you see other programs do it, you're seeing close-ups of these massive creatures, and the music that's added gives you a certain feeling. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

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" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "

Karl Pilkington

" But I'm not an idiot. At the end of the day, I've learned a lot. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

Karl Pilkington

" To be honest, marriage doesn't scare me and that, it's just once you've been together for so long, if you haven't got any kids it's just a big expensive day out for everyone else to enjoy, isn't it? "

Karl Pilkington

" With acting, I didn't get much from it. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never understood the 'things to do before you die' idea. If I was ill, I'd be in no mood to have a swim with a dolphin. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

Karl Pilkington

" We should all love animals. "

Karl Pilkington

" To me, a cat is an easy pet, they don't need any spoiling or looking after. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's mental to pay for water. Where is that water coming from? Are they in the hills puttin' it into bottles when years ago it used to roll down and go into the lakes? "

Karl Pilkington

" It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "

Karl Pilkington

" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" I drive a car, like an adult. Not brilliantly. I'm not great. "

Karl Pilkington