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" I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything. "

Karl Pilkington

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" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "

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" I've got loads of nieces and nephews. "

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" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "

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" That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. "

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" We should all love animals. "

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" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "

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" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "

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" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "

Karl Pilkington

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "

Karl Pilkington

" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "

Karl Pilkington

" Chinese people age overnight. "

Karl Pilkington

" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "

Karl Pilkington

" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

Karl Pilkington

" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "

Karl Pilkington

" Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. "

Karl Pilkington

" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "

Karl Pilkington

" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "

Karl Pilkington

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "

Karl Pilkington

" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "

Karl Pilkington

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "

Karl Pilkington

" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "

Karl Pilkington

" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

Karl Pilkington