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" I've never won many awards, I didn't get certificates for swimming or anything. "
Karl Pilkington
Won
Anything
Awards
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" I don't think I'd be a very good parent. I'd be too honest. "
Karl Pilkington
Parent
Good
Good Parent
" I've got loads of nieces and nephews. "
Karl Pilkington
Got
Nieces
Nephews
" If you sit in a bath of pineapple chunks, it can kill you. That's well documented. "
Karl Pilkington
Bath
Documented
Chunks
" That's the problem with having a bald head. It exaggerates the shape. "
Karl Pilkington
Head
Shape
Problem
" We should all love animals. "
Karl Pilkington
Animals
Love
Should
" It's not a joke: I really do like being at home. "
Karl Pilkington
Really
Like
Joke
" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "
Karl Pilkington
House
Door
Live
" I don't want to go about offending people; that's not my plan. "
Karl Pilkington
About
Offending
People
" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "
Karl Pilkington
Well
Money
See
" I'd say the best is when I was in Africa, I saw a hippo in a house. Someone had a pet hippo. And they're meant to be one of the most dangerous animals on the planet, and they had one that was sort of just wandering in and out of their house, just sort of roaming about. "
Karl Pilkington
Say
House
Best
" I just sort of go along and say what I think -and that's all you can do in life, really. "
Karl Pilkington
Along
You
Think
" Chinese people age overnight. "
Karl Pilkington
Age
Chinese
Overnight
" It would be spiteful to put a Jellyfish in a trifle. "
Karl Pilkington
Would
Put
Spiteful
" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "
Karl Pilkington
Pirates
Since
Quiet
" You know, when you're a producer, you're a bit of a lackey. You're just making cups of tea and making sure they've got newspaper, stuff like that. "
Karl Pilkington
Like
Tea
Know
" Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. "
Karl Pilkington
Want
Doing
Media
" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "
Karl Pilkington
Body
Day
End
" With evolution, things are always changing, so I sort of think: Should we all be growing three heads? "
Karl Pilkington
Evolution
Always
Three
" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "
Karl Pilkington
You
Alone
Duck
" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "
Karl Pilkington
Wedding
Reason
Got
" I'd rather live in a cave with a view of a palace than live in a palace with a view of a cave. "
Karl Pilkington
Live
View
Than
" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "
Karl Pilkington
End
World
Way
" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "
Karl Pilkington
Simple
Simple Life
Life
" Getting old is better than being young. You can do what you want to do. "
Karl Pilkington
Young
Better
Getting Old
" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "
Karl Pilkington
Go
You
Only
" I really can't believe what a state the Pyramids are in. I thought they had flat rendered sides, but when you get up close, you see how they are just giant boulders balanced on top of each other, like a massive game of Jenga that has got out of hand. "
Karl Pilkington
Top
See
Game
" I came face-to-face with a gorilla which was quite good, but it was a 10-hour trek in bad weather, up hills, covered in mud, with mosquitoes everywhere and when we got there the gorilla's just sat there doing nowt. "
Karl Pilkington
Good
Mud
Got
" I love nature - it's probably my most favorite thing. I don't watch much telly, the telly hardly goes on, but the things I do watch are sort of nature programs, and something about the oceans and the amount of weird fish that's in there. "
Karl Pilkington
Love
Weird
Watch
" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "
Karl Pilkington
Holiday
Know
People
" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "
Karl Pilkington
Same
Doing
Every Day