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" People always tell me I'm going to regret not having kids. But what if I have one and then I regret having it? Has anyone thought of that option? "

Karl Pilkington

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" If you're doing the same job every day, there's room for error. "

Karl Pilkington

" I was impressed by the Taj Mahal. A good bit of work, well looked after, worth paying money to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I think it's a problem when something's a dream because it'll never live up to your expectations. It's better to go somewhere thinking it'll be horrible, and then be pleasantly surprised. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you'd have told me five years ago that I'd have done all this - two books, some television and everything - I'd panic, I'd be scared. "

Karl Pilkington

" People eat duck and you think, well, we've got loads of chickens, leave the ducks alone! "

Karl Pilkington

" The other day I was thinking - because I get a lot of headaches - I was wondering whether the head should be where it is. Because, at the end of the day, it's probably the heaviest part of your body, right? And yet it's at the top as opposed to, I don't, dangling at the bottom somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" Making the 'An Idiot Abroad' series, I was really dreading going to India; I thought I'd hate it. It was a nightmare, and I was really ill - just like everyone says. "

Karl Pilkington

" If you go away with, you know, a girlfriend, wife, whatever, you have an argument on holiday because you're not used to spending that much time with people. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not that lazy, but I don't need that much money. I lead a fairly simple life. "

Karl Pilkington

" The poorer people and criminals of Mexico who are not very religious but not quite atheists, either, worship Saint Death. "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not invited to any exciting parties and my life hasn't really changed. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know any Londoners 'cos I'm from Manchester. "

Karl Pilkington

" Parrots have gone a bit quiet since pirates have gone. "

Karl Pilkington

" I had a bad experience doing public speaking at school. I had to talk about a pen for five minutes and it was really hard work. I couldn't wait to get off the stage. "

Karl Pilkington

" And we've got a toaster and everything. So there is no reason for the wedding. "

Karl Pilkington

" Comedy's really subjective, you know; that's why it's so hard. "

Karl Pilkington

" I've never thought about it before, but I suppose bad people might need someone to pray to, too. "

Karl Pilkington

" I don't know what I'm meant to do. I'm not important, am I? I'm not doing anything that makes a difference. "

Karl Pilkington

" The reason I did the book about holidays is that you're a different person on holiday. You're sleeping somewhere unfamiliar, knocking about with people you've never met and for 10 days you're someone else. You're out of your comfortable zone. "

Karl Pilkington

" At the end of the day, teachers aren't going to mess about trying to make me into an Einstein, 'cause it was never gonna happen. We can't all be brainy, can we? That's just the way the world is. "

Karl Pilkington

" You can only live to be so old, then you gotta let go. "

Karl Pilkington

" All fame is is having people you don't know coming up to you and saying, 'Hello.' I'm always polite and people are always nice, but it's weird. "

Karl Pilkington

" It's not easy keeping a diary. You have to be pretty committed. "

Karl Pilkington

" They say it all started out with a big bang. But, what I wonder is, was it a big bang or did it just seem big because there wasn't anything else drown it out at the time? "

Karl Pilkington

" Being honest with you, it's not the 'great' wall of China. It's an all right wall. It's the 'All Right Wall of China.' "

Karl Pilkington

" I'm not a proper traveler. I don't like to be challenged or have too much of a change and prefer a week away just to relax. "

Karl Pilkington

" For me, a good holiday is about value for money rather than things to see. "

Karl Pilkington

" I mean, I don't really go out at night in terms of noisy, busy places; I prefer more of a quiet corner somewhere. "

Karl Pilkington

" People who live in a glass house have to answer the door. "

Karl Pilkington

" Everyone is living for everyone else now. They're doing stuff so they can tell other people about it. I don't get all that social media stuff, I've always got other things I want to do - odd jobs around the house. No one wants to hear about that. "

Karl Pilkington