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" I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield. "

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" Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me. "

George Harrison

Funny

Together

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

" We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast. "

" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

" When I was younger, I was always taught not to make excuses. "

" I think there's something wrong with me - I like to win in everything I do, regardless of what it is. You want to race down the street, I want to beat you. If we're playing checkers, I want to win. You beat me, it's going to bother me. I just enjoy competition. "

Derek Jeter

Enjoy

Competition

" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" The big difference for me is that, as I get older, I find it's a lot easier to stay in shape than it is to get back in shape. "

Derek Jeter

Older

Stay

" Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious. "

" I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. "

" They did that little thing on South Park, and they mentioned my name and had a character of me judging a Halloween contest. It was really funny. That made me the coolest aunt on earth. "

Tina Yothers

Funny

Halloween

" And at the time, it is funny how you can look at something and say, for example with my shoulder injury, when it first happened I said this is the worst thing that could happen to me. Why me, why now? Now I look back and say it was probably the best thing that happened to me. "

Drew Brees

Best

Look

" God hadn't made me handsome, but he'd given me something, I always felt: funny bones. "

Jerry Lewis

Handsome

God

" The first thing to know about playing baseball in Michigan is, Michigan's really cold. "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" There's a darkness under 'The Hangover' because ultimately there's a missing person and it's not really that funny. There's a sort of darkness under it that I love, and still people are laughing as hard if not harder than they did in 'Old School.' "

" A word to the wise is infuriating. "

" Maybe people don't see me as believable playing a person of today. I guess I'm just more realistic in a corset and funny hairstyles. "

" If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? "

" It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.' "

" You're a person a lot longer before and after you're a professional athlete. People always say to me, 'Your image is this, your image is that.' Your image isn't your character. Character is what you are as a person. That's what I worry about. "

Derek Jeter

People

Say

" It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Funny

Fat

Simple

" The men I idolized built their bodies and became somebody - like Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger - and I thought, 'That can be me.' So I started working out. The funny thing is I didn't realize back then that I was having a defining moment. "

" I looked up to my parents because they were very successful in what they wanted to do. I was lucky; I didn't have to look far for role models. "

" 'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun. "

" I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. "

Eddie Izzard

Funny

Europe

" Some call-in moderators are neutral and courteous. Then there's Rush Limbaugh, who is funny and pompous and a scapegoater and hatemonger. His popularity could cause you to draw some terrible conclusions about the state of mind of the American people. It helps to remember that Bill Cosby is popular, too. "

" It's funny: when people always talk about the importance of role models, I used to think that was so exaggerated, but as I get older, I start to realize I don't feel that way so much anymore. If you see somebody like you who's doing something, an older version of what you are, it does make you feel like it's more possible. "

" I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too. "