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" I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. "

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" There is always something funny going on between scenes with Adam Sandler. He's always cracking jokes and yelling at people for no reason. It's pretty funny. He'll joke around during scenes, too. When he guest-starred on 'Jessie,' there was nothing in the script that he said first take. "

" Every time I do something silly, it comes off really funny because it's natural. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it. "

" I don't have a caustic sense of humor. What I find funny, that humor comes from a much gentler place. "

" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "

" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "

" Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. "

" Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave. "

" There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. "

" I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny. "

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

Winston Churchill

" I rant, therefore I am. "

" If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress. "

" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "

" I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself. "

Shaquille O'Neal

" Say what you will about the ten commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. "

" I meditate and I also think about meditation. Which is funny. I think about Maharishi, about just the idea of meditating. It gives me something. "

" One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know. "

" Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn. "

" I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you. "

" A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often. "

" I call myself the Amusement Park. That's because I'm funny and scary at the same time. "

" I'm quite sarcastic, and I'm funny, but not kind of funny. It's a weird funny, and some people don't get me, and some people do. "

Millie Bobby Brown

" I always have a funny story at communion time that underscores that no one is perfect, and that communion is not for perfect people but for hungry people. "

" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "

" I'd say Jon Stewart has remained funny the entire time. Jon always makes it funny first. And he's just, he's talking about serious things, but in a funny way. Other comedians will talk about serious things in a serious way, and then you don't know what's going on. "

" It's really irritating. Even people who like my work sometimes come up to me and say, 'I usually don't like female comedians, but your material is great!' It makes the job prospect more daunting. Funny is funny, you know? "

Chelsea Peretti

" The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. "

Rodney Dangerfield

" My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. "

Angie Dickinson

" I'm not saying that I'm on some crusade to change people's minds. I'm just doing what I do. I'm a comedian, I'm trying to be funny... I think when they see a comedy show with an Iranian and an Egyptian and two Palestinians, I think they go, 'Oh wow, these guys are just like us.' "