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All Quotes by author - Groucho Marx
" A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere. "
" A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. "
" A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. "
" Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. "
" All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. "
" A man's only as old as the woman he feels. "
" Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. "
" A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke. "
" Before I speak, I have something important to say. "
" Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife. "
" Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. "
" From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. "
" Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough. "
" Go, and never darken my towels again. "
" Humor is reason gone mad. "
" I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up. "
" I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members. "
" If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you. "
" I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "
" If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again. "
" I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it. "
" I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. "
" I intend to live forever, or die trying. "
" I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. "
" I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. "
" I must confess, I was born at a very early age. "
I Was Born
" I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. "
" I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception. "
" In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom. "
" I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it. "
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