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" Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "

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" I'm just not one of those naturally funny, relaxed actors who enjoy the spotlight and are so good at it. "

" Poetry has done enough when it charms, but prose must also convince. "

" There is a saying in Baltimore that crabs may be prepared in fifty ways and that all of them are good. "

" Macho does not prove mucho. "

" It is funny to me that because I can run, because I'm athletic, people tend to see that as my only asset. "

Colin Kaepernick

" The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! "

" I like Ben Stein. I think he's funny, creative, and an insightful commentator on a host of issues. "

" Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. "

" The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest. "

Jean de la Bruyere

" Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. "

" Being nice can be funny. A lot of my jokes are like, 'Let me take a bad situation and try to put the best spin on it.' "

" I'm for whatever gets you through the night. "

" God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "

" Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. "

" Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. "

" I can resist everything except temptation. "

" It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean. "

" Although I have guitars all around, and I pick them up occasionally and write a tune and make a record, I don't really see myself as a musician. It may seem a funny thing to say. It's just like, I write lyrics, and I make up songs, but I'm not a great lyricist or songwriter or producer. It's when you put all these things together - that makes me. "

George Harrison

" Every dogma has its day. "

Anthony Burgess

" Leave America and you'll find that the consumers in many other countries enjoy watching advertising. Not because the products are better, but because the ads are produced to be entertaining. Sometimes they are funny. Sometimes they are dramatic. Sometimes they are just beautiful. "

" It's funny, I get a little quieter with time. I don't want to chase my tail and one day repeat myself and repeat myself and one day have kids going to college and not have memories that I should, because I was too busy doing my thing. "

" God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny. "

Garrison Keillor

" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "

Winston Churchill

" I heard that people were really interested in the new haircut, which I think is so funny. Great haircut, I really like it. It goes great with the time period. And I was super, super, super-happy to have my bangs swept to the side rather than straight in front of me, which I dealt with for three seasons. I'm very, very much done with that. "

" If you have doubts about someone, lay on a couple of jokes. If he doesn't find anything funny, your radar should be screaming. Then I would say be patient with people who are negative, because they're really having a hard time. "

" I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty. "

" I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working. "

" I am interested in shows that are not out-and-out gag fests: you see the truth of a broken heart behind them. That is what life is like: it's really funny, you see funny things as soon as you step out of the room, but underneath that is a whole bag of broken hearts. It's that real pain and that real hilarity that makes life so intriguing. "

" When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life. "

" To be or not to be. That's not really a question. "

Jean-Luc Godard