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All Quotes by author - H. L. Mencken

" A bad man is the sort who weeps every time he speaks of a good woman. "

" A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there. "

" A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "

" Adultery is the application of democracy to love. "

" A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar. "

" A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. "

" Alimony - the ransom that the happy pay to the devil. "

" All government, of course, is against liberty. "

" All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it. "

" A man always remembers his first love with special tenderness, but after that he begins to bunch them. "

" A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married. "

" A national political campaign is better than the best circus ever heard of, with a mass baptism and a couple of hangings thrown in. "

" A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier. "

" An idealist is one who, on noticing that roses smell better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "

" A politician is an animal which can sit on a fence and yet keep both ears to the ground. "

" A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas. "

" A prohibitionist is the sort of man one couldn't care to drink with, even if he drank. "

" Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ. "

" A society made up of individuals who were all capable of original thought would probably be unendurable. "

" As the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft. "

" A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents. "

" Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too. "

" Before a man speaks it is always safe to assume that he is a fool. After he speaks, it is seldom necessary to assume it. "

" Communism, like any other revealed religion, is largely made up of prophecies. "

" Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. "

" Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking. "

" Criticism is prejudice made plausible. "

" Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. "

" Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance. "

" Democracy is only a dream: it should be put in the same category as Arcadia, Santa Claus, and Heaven. "

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