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" It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

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" What's another word for Thesaurus? "

" I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you. "

" I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society. "

" If my mother hadn't laughed at the funny things I did, I probably wouldn't be a comic actor. After she had her first heart attack, the doctor said, 'Try to make her laugh.' And that was the first time I tried to make anyone laugh. "

" If it's hard to remember, it'll be difficult to forget. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together. "

" My mother is very funny. She is from a village; she has a typical village kind of humour. Often she says a lot of things she herself isn't aware is a punch line. "

" It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger. "

" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "

Annaleigh Ashford

" My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. "

" You're only as good as your last haircut. "

" It's funny because I want my teeth to be, like, neon 'Real Housewives' white, but mine have stopped taking to teeth whitening. When I talk to my dentist, I'm like, 'They can be that white,' and he's like, 'Veneers can be that white.' "

Christine Teigen

" I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. "

" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "

" When a dramatic actor does a funny film, people are like, 'Wonderful! I didn't know he was funny!' But when it flips, people can get really thrown by it. "

" Things have to be funny first, and if they want to have a point, that's awesome. "

" He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle. "

Alice Roosevelt Longworth

" You are not just a funny person or just a journalist. Most people are hybrids of having a smart opinion and a great sense of humor. "

" Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. "

" I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. "

Mary-Kate Olsen

" I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. "

" Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "

" It's so funny how social media was just this fun thing, and now it's this monster that consumes so many millennial lives. "

" When I turned about 12 or 13, I realised that being funny wasn't about remembering jokes. It was about creating them. "

" So to me, Texas Hold 'em puts me to sleep. At least when you play stud, you can be funny as you deal. Somebody some day is going to come up with a Stud show that's going to work. "

" People naturally want to retweet and engage on super funny videos and memes. "

" During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one. "

" The future is green energy, sustainability, renewable energy. "

Arnold Schwarzenegger

" Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. "

" My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger. "