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" I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning. "
" Let's have some new cliches. "
" Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race. "
H. G. Wells
" All you have in comedy, in general, is just going with your instincts. You can only hope that other people think that what you think is funny is funny. I don't have an answer but I just try to plough straight ahead. "
" I'm funny. I'm a comedian. I'm not a clown. "
" People don't want just vanilla. They want 31 flavors. I couldn't do what Rihanna does. I couldn't do what Gaga does. They can't do what I do. "
" I'm kind of a more sunshiny person myself. "
" It's funny, the moment you dread the most, seeing yourself bald, is actually not such a bad moment at all. "
" I'm going to take this God-given gift of being funny, and I'm going to spread it out like peanut butter on everything I do. "
" Unfortunately, I think a lot of people are affected more by the idea of fame than the actual work ethic involved. A lot of them just want to be reality TV-type people who don't do anything. "
" My mother was a very, very funny, outrageous, outspoken person, and she never edited me. Her whole thing in my life was if anybody had a problem with me, tell them to go to hell. "
" I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time. "
" Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. "
" I looked on my stomach and saw Frieda Rebecca, white as flour with the cream that covers new babies, funny little dark squiggles of hair plastered over her head, with big, dark-blue eyes. "
" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "
" Be stupid, be dumb, be funny, if that's who you are. Don't try to be someone that society wants you to be; that's stupid. So be yourself. "
" I gave myself until I turned 25 to make it. And if it didn't happen, I thought I'd just try to find a nice husband. "
" We are all born mad. Some remain so. "
" I like marriage. The idea. "
" There's a fine line between angry and grumpy. Angry isn't nice, but grumpy is funny. "
" I don't have a Kate Moss body, but I'm very proud and happy with mine. "
" A good actor is someone who knows how to take the part and make it real and make it honest and be effective in it. If it's in a funny movie and, as long as they are cast in an appropriate way, humor will come from it. "
" I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. "
" I don't think I would do a straight late-night talk show, like a 'Tonight Show' kind of thing. But I'm open to whatever is done well. I don't have any agenda. I'm not like Fugazi - I'm not trying to be just so punk rock until I die. Whatever is funny is good. "
" If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious. "
" I come from a very non-accepting family, but I'm very accepting. "
" But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work. "
Robert Downey, Jr.
" A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters. "
" It's funny - I read that women look to chiseled-faced guys for one-night stands, and to round-faced guys for marriage. When I'm rounder in the face, I like to say, 'This is my long-term look.' Or 'This is my wife-and-kids look right here.' "
" Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names. "
" What's funny is that the idea of popularity - even the use of the word 'popular' - is something that had been mostly absent from my life since junior high. In fact, the hallmark of life after junior high seemed to be the shedding of popularity as a central concern. "