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" I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. "
" Sometimes I'm really funny, sometimes I'm quiet, sometimes I'm shy, but I'm constantly changing. "
" A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. "
" I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved. "
" Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? "
" You can always tell when a man's well informed. His views are pretty much like your own. "
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
" I read part of it all the way through. "
" Do you know, it's funny, but I never thought of being blind as a disadvantage, and I never thought of being black as a disadvantage. "
" We actually found some home videos, some really funny footage of me when I was around 3 years old. I come up to the camera to do a Nixon impression. I don't know who taught me that, but I come up to the camera and said, 'I am not a crook.' I got a really good laugh. You see me register that bringing joy to people is a positive thing. "
" Electricity is really just organized lightning. "
" In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. "
" The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!' "
" I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. "
" My favorite type of pet has always been a dog. They're loyal, kind, and offer endless affection. My friend Eric says, 'The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.' Funny thought. "
" I get a stack of scripts, like, once a month, and most of the time, you find these placeholder girls that are there to provide a bounce for the male character. So we know he's funny because she's serious and she's mad at him. We know he's strong because she needs saving. So really, her job is to validate this personality trait of our hero or male. "
" I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers. "
" Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me. "
" Most of my show is true; like, 90% of everything I say on stage is true. I just have to find the way to make it funny - that's the difficult thing. "
" You know what? At the end of the day, funny is funny. I hope to see the end of all the female cliches that are written in a lot of comedies that are named chick flicks. "
" Life is funny. If you don't laugh, you're in trouble. "
" I started writing 'Southern Baptist Sissies' right after I had written the screenplay for 'Sordid Lives', so that's when I started on a darker path in telling the truth about my journey in the church, but there was still a lot of funny. "
" It's funny: I can never sleep between shows; I think it's because I don't like to switch the motor off. I'll probably have some chicken or pasta, though never the two together, and maybe go out for a quick wander around. "
" Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. "
" When I tell people I'm a comedian they say, 'Oh, are you funny?' I say, 'No, it's not that kind of comedy.' "
" It's funny: your happiness is contingent on a bigger picture besides just yourself. "
" I'm screamingly funny, you know, I really am in the books. And that helps because I'm funnier than a lot of people, I think, and that's appreciated by young people. "
" All generalizations are false, including this one. "
" I love practical jokes and humor. That there's frankly no joke that I don't think is funny. I love practical jokes, but I don't like being scared. "
" I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny. "
" It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget. "
" Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die. "